Goodbye?

So, it's been almost 2 weeks since I've graduated high school. Kinda bitter sweet, if you ask me. I have to leave behind my amazing teachers and my awesome friends, but I do get to start all over again. It's time for a new me. I know what I want to be, and I hope college will help me peruse my new self.  While I know it is going to be hard, I know it is something that I have to do. Life moves on, and as much as it sucks (and no matter how hard I keep wishing to go back to the start of Senior year, or even sophomore year) I have to move on with my life. But that DOES NOT mean that I will lose contact with the people I love the most, and who have impacted my life. I know everyone says you eventually stop caring about those people, and you don't bother to reach out/keep in touch with them (and some say you outgrow them) but I am determined not to let that happen. If it weren't for these amazing teachers and friends who pushed me, I can honestly say I would NOT be here today. <3

In college I plan to:

• stick up for myself
• become more organized
• have fun :)
• find myself

It is One of THOSE nights...

It’s one of those nights, where everything is spinning upside down..
It’s one of those nights, when you truly see who cares.
It’s one of those nights, where those thoughts come to mind.
It’s one of those nights, where you DON’T feel good or pretty enough.
It’s one of thsoe nights, where you want to run away, to see who would actually chase after you.
It’s one of those nights, where you need a hug from your best friend.

Stranger Silence Makes Me Want To Take The Stairs

Shy. Quiet. Awkward. Those are three words you could use to describe me. On the outside I appear to be this girl who has her life put together, and knows where she is going in life. I appear to be happy with myself, I appear to fly by in life and not to have a care in the world.

The truth? On the inside I'm still hurting. I am not happy with myself, as a matter of fact, I hate myself. I am always getting called fake, copycat, loser and so many more hurtful terms. Do you know what it feels like to be put down on a daily basis by people you THINK are your best friends? Let me tell you, it is not a walk through the park. It hurts, but you just have to trudge through it with a smile because these are the only people who talk to you, and seem to "like" you.

Look at our school, our community, our society. What do you see? Perfect, popular, skinny girls. They have everything. Perfect body, perfect boyfriend, perfect friends, perfect grades, and perfect life. How am I suppose to be confident and independent  when I see all of these girls who look the same, and look like they are having the time of their lives? You know what hurts the most? Seeing pictures of people at parties on facebook, and feeling really depressed and sad because you know you will NEVER be cool enough to be invited to one of those parties.

The Truth Is....

(this is for a girl who has constantly bullied and harrassed me throughout my high school carrer)

I hope you know you ruined high school for me. I hope you know, because of you I might not get into the college of my dreams. I hope you know that I will NEVER forgive you. I hope you know I don't ever want to be friends with you. I hope you know that I try to see the best in people, but you're all hatred. You enjoy bringing people down, so you can feel on top. Well that hurts. It hurts knowing I'm the one everyone goes after to put down, so they feel better about themselves.

I am moving on with my life, and I want NOTHING to do with you. You've turned some of my best friends against me, with all of  your lies, so please, don't talk to me. Don't say hi in the halls, and don't come up to small talk with me. The truth is...I don't like you. The truth is...you're mean and manipulative. You twist my words, to make it look as though I am the bad guy. Yeah..I'm the 'bad' guy..lets see. Over the past 3 years of high school, you have managed to ruin my social life, break my self-confidence, make me feel as though life isn't worth living at times and you turned people against me with your UGLY, UN-TRUTHFUL LIES.

And I want you to know that I will never forgive you for what you did to me.

Stress OVERLOAD

 Why aren't there enough hours in a day? I need to sleep, wake up, put my make-up on, brush my hair and teeth, go to school, do my homework, update my blog, eat dinner, wash the dishes, shower, and then go back to bed. WHY? And then, I have to deal with drama at school, which really affects my life. Like honestly, if your gonna talk shit about me, come say it to my face. I don't have the time to sit around and think about what you are saying about me. Blahh I am so stressed. I have to write a paper for US History, read a poem and anaylze it for American Lit, finish up my math problems (why do I have to solve these? They should solve themselves, I have my own problems thank you very much), finish my drawing of a nuclear power plant, edit my journalism articles, and send out an email to the members of the FTA club. I have to do all of that, in the 6 hours I have between getting home from school and going to bed. Where is the time for dinner? Ahh, who needs dinner? It's not like you need to survive or anything....I also need time to relax. I am a 17 year old girl, who is going through  a lot. I am trying to figure out who I am as a person, and it's hard enough when I have bitchy girls talking about me behind my back, and then denying it when I confront them, so WHY ALL THE HOMEWORK?? I understand it helps us learn, but does it all have to be due the next day? Why can't assignments be stretched over time? . Friends. Bitches. Frenemies. We all have haters, who will go to lengths to bring us down, and make us feel really crappy about ourselves. Right now, I have these girls on my tail, who HARASS me on a daily basis. They do it subtlety so no one picks up on it, but I can see right through their act. It's so annoying. They enjoy talking crap about me, but when I confront them about it they are all like "oh no, we would never do anything like that." BS. BS my friends. Just do me a favor, and don't talk shit about me :)

Tomorrow won't be better

Okay, so being a 17 year old girl is harder than I thought it was going to be.
You have to have amazing grades, a fantastic social life, plan to go to an amazing
college, and have a boyfriend...umm. That's a large check list for one little 17 year
old girl to handle, who gets distracted by Coach purses ;)
While I do have really good grades, an amazing college I really want to go to...
that's all I have from that list. Why does being 17 have to be so demaning?
Why can't people(like cliques in high school) just accept me for who I am? So
I'm 17 years old and have never had a boyfriend..WHO CARES? Is there a
contest to see who can have the most boyfriends before they hit 20 years old?
GET OVER IT. I'm not really into anyone right now, but that right guy will
come around sometime.
The amazing social life? Yeah..not so much. Right now I'm just hanging out with
my 3 best friends..and they know who they are :) I may not have a million friends
like some girls in Newtown do, but I know my 3 best friends will ALWAYS have
my back, and won't make jokes that hurt and put me down. I love them, and would
not trade them for the world. They always know the right things to say at the perfect
moment, to make me feel a whole hell of a lot better. :)

Sticks And Stones..

People say "sticks and stones may breka my bones, but words will never hurt me." Well...obviously these people have never been verbally attacked. Yes, being physically attacked really does hurt, and it can leave scars. But eventually these scars will fade, while the emotional pain of being verbally abused will never fade. I can remember a good amount of the horriable things people have said to me, trying to hurt me. Well, those words did hurt. A lot more than being physically beaten up. I may never have been beaten till I was black and blue, but I have been pushed in the halls, and I have fallen and I have gotten scars from running into the lockers. (and trust me, this wasn't because the halls are over crowded at NHS, its because this one girl who obv. has it out for me, tries her best to hurt me. I try my best not to let it bother me, and just ingore her in the hallways.

Physical or mental, pain is the same. Everything that happens will always stay with you. There is nothing you can do to erase the pain :/ Hopefully, down the road this pain will make you a stronger person. Eventually you will have the courage to speak about it to people, like I do. :)